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There you are, doing your job and doing it well, when Bam! You find yourself in a difficult situation and faced with a tough conversation. You can’t wriggle your way out of it, that’s not your style, and you know that careers can be made or broken on just one conversation. What do you do?
Ask almost any business manager or director what is the most difficult aspect of their job and they will often cite tackling difficult conversations or communicating contentious issues as being at the top of their list. Tough conversations are a part of business, whether with a colleague, your team, boss, a client, or a supplier. How you handle the situation and the subsequent difficult conversation will affect your relationships and the trust people have in you.
What do you do now? Here's some food for thought.
1. Clarify the situation
Take some time to think about the conversation you need to have and jot down some thoughts. This should help clarify the issue you need to address.
2. Is it really an issue?
Think about what would happen if you avoid the conversation altogether. This is a good self-check to see if you have made an issue bigger than it really is, or have made an issue out of nothing. If there is an issue to be dealt with, put some thought into what you want the outcome/s of the conversation to be.
3. Reasons we avoid tough conversations
Most barriers are perceptual rather than actual and you need to identify these barriers to properly communicate your desired outcome/s. Whether you think that nothing will change or you will be wasting the other person’s time, it is how you prepare and deliver your message that will determine whether or not you can make an impact or make a difference. It is up to the other party to decide what to do with the information you give them, but it is always better to get real issues out into the open.
4. The cost of avoiding tough conversations
Businesses want leaders who will speak up and not people who ignore issues. Having one or two small but difficult conversations directs focus and ensures the other people involved are aware of the issues – you need to make the penny drop for the other person. Bear in mind the worst case scenarios if you avoid the conversation, such as missed deadlines, failed projects, lost clients, possible HR involvement or corporate liability.
It is up to you how much thought and energy you put into making your next tough conversation successful. The next time you get that butterfly feeling inside when faced with a difficult conversation, what will you do … fight (have the conversation) or flight (avoid it)?
The advice above has been taken from the everywoman workbook, Preparing for tough conversations. You can download a sneak preview of it from the bookshelf on our Personal Development page. To learn about analysing what makes a conversation difficult, how to prepare for it, responding not reacting, and using your P.O.K.E.R. face, download a copy from the everywoman website (member login is required).
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No responsibility for loss caused to any individual or organisation acting or refraining from action as a result of the material in this publication can by accepted by Everywoman Ltd or the authors.
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